How to Identify Your Core Values (And Why Most People Get This Wrong)
By Miri Lenoff
·June 3, 2026
Most people, if asked about their values, will say something like: family, integrity, hard work, kindness.
And most people, if they are honest, will admit that their actual behavior does not always reflect those words. They say family is their top value but work 60 hours a week. They say integrity matters but cut corners when no one is looking. They say they value health but have not exercised in months.
This is not hypocrisy. It is a gap between stated values and lived values. And closing that gap is one of the most useful things you can do for your own sense of direction and satisfaction.
What Values Actually Are
Values are not ideals. They are operating principles. They are the things that, when violated, make you feel wrong inside even if you cannot immediately explain why. They are the things that, when honored, make your work and relationships feel meaningful even when they are hard.
They are not fixed. Values shift over a lifetime, often dramatically. What mattered at 22 may not be what matters at 40. This is normal and worth acknowledging.
Why Most Values Exercises Do Not Work
The standard approach to identifying values is to give someone a list of 50 to 100 words and ask them to circle the ones that resonate. The problem is that almost everything on that list resonates with almost everyone. Freedom, connection, growth, love, creativity. Who would say those do not matter?
A better approach is to work backward from behavior and emotion rather than forward from a word list.
How to Actually Find Your Values
**Start with peak moments.** Think of three to five times in your life when you felt most alive, most yourself, most satisfied. These can be big moments or small ones. Write down what was happening in each of them.
Now look for what those moments had in common. Were you creating something? Helping someone? Being recognized? Working independently? In deep conversation? Moving fast? Building something lasting?
The patterns you find in your peak moments are strong signals of your real values.
**Then look at what makes you angry.** What situations make you genuinely upset, not just inconvenienced? What feels like a violation of something important?
Anger at injustice points to fairness as a value. Anger at wasted potential points to growth. Anger at dishonesty points to integrity. Your anger, when you examine it honestly, tells you what you care about.
**Finally, look at where you spend your actual time and money.** Not where you wish you spent them. Where you actually do. These are your revealed values, whether you intended them or not.
Narrowing It Down
Once you have a list of candidate values, the work is prioritization. Most people have seven to ten real values, but you cannot live by ten values equally. Some will take priority over others in moments of conflict.
The question to ask about each value: would I sacrifice something I care about to protect this? If the answer is yes, it is a core value. If the answer is no, it may matter but it is not core.
Living Your Values
Identifying your values is the beginning, not the end. The useful question is: does my current life reflect these values? Where are the gaps? What would have to change for my daily life to more fully honor what I say matters most?
This is ongoing work, not a one-time exercise.
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The [Values Compass map](https://knownsuccess.com/maps/values-compass) on Known Success walks you through a structured process: identify your top values, rank them, and examine whether your current life actually reflects them. Free with an account.