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April 19, 2020

So many emotions and feelings…

So today I got the news that schools in Florida won't reopen for the rest of the school year and that just made me feel like how am I going to do this? When is something normal going to change? When are we going to start opening up things instead of closing them...


I'm such a positive person, but I'm just at a point when sometimes I just want to cry...


My head and my heart go in a million places all the time. I wonder how people are putting food on the table, I worry about people with mental issues, I worry about the world post-pandemic and how we will be...


I wonder if the human touch will ever be the same or if we are going to keep our distance because "just in case you have something" I won't get close...


I just wonder if I'm doing enough for the world, for my family...


Like for example, when I went to Publix and saw someone I know and I couldn't even get close or have a conversation because I'm in a rush to get out of there. What am I doing? What has my life come to...


There are days when my head is just filled with questions and unknowns and I pray, I meditate whenever I can, but how long can we keep on going for?


Then my head goes back and thinks positive, how we are all doing what we can and how this time will be remembered forever. So I just keep on going...


And then this week I did something different. I had a 3 day marketing event on Zoom. It was supposed to be in Texas, but because of obvious reasons, the organizers put on an amazing event and it was all online. I missed the conversations with people after sessions, getting to know people who speak my same language in the online marketing world. It was an amazing experience, but something was missing... That seems to be the same pattern, something is missing in everything we do...


We have Zoom calls with the kids' school and while I try to get them engaged, but they also zone out and don't always want to pay attention, something is missing.


Even at home, we try to show the kids that everything is ok, and the truth is that we are all struggling and finding ways to cope with this situation, something is missing.


I can't lie to myself, and I am feeling the effects of all of this, like probably most people...


When are we going to find what is missing or is it ever going to be found? It sounds like I'm really struggling, but I'm not. Like I'm actually doing great and I'm using the time to do something positive with my kids and finding a routine, but the pattern is always something is missing...


I've understood that I get my work done from 8:00pm until whenever I can (when kids are sleeping), but lately something has been missing and I can't even concentrate like before.


I don't even watch the news anymore. I have too many other things to worry about and I need to find my focus again. I need to find my missing "thing" and turn it into something positive.


Above all, I pray and trust G-d. I see miracles... like one of my friends leaving the hospital after 6 weeks, how artists coming together to have "at home concerts", how we are lucky to have the online world to still be connected, to have a house to call our home, to have food. We are so fortunate.


And then I keep reminding myself that ESPECIALLY NOW, I need to keep on going and serve my purpose...


So, I thank all of my Facebook friends, I thank the life that we have because we are fortunate to be alive and we are lucky to be here and above all, we just gotta make the best of our PRESENT even if the present doesn't seem complete today.


Tomorrow will be a new day and hopefully we will have more clarity about what our world will be like...


In the meantime, I will keep on going and find new ways to cope

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About the author 

Miri Lenoff - Known Success

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