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March 26, 2020

How To Feel Better During the Pandemic

So it has been close to 14 days of being at home, I am losing my mind. Today, my husband and I got together and came up with 5 things that worry you and 5 things that you are grateful for… We obviously had similar answers to many things, health, having resources, kids, etc… We were just not having a good day and he said, let’s do one of your things that you would like to do..

I’m super surprised, but he motivated me this time around to do something good. It kind of helped me to put things in perspective..

But what I want to share with you is something that he mentioned. You see, I’m always very analytical and like to follow processes that make sense to me. When this virus broke and people had been mandated (or suggested) to stay at home, we followed the orders, but there has never been a time in history when things like this take place.

Like, what are you supposed to do with the kids? Do you follow a schedule? Do you see grandparents? What about adults with kids who have to go to work outside of the home? I’ve been lucky to have Wayne by my side for most of the 14 days (ok, the first 4 were tough with him not here), but for the most part he’s been coming home early and he had spring break, so he was home this week.

We make a great team, we don’t even need to let each other know what to do, we just act on things. He’s amazing at getting the kids to sleep and I’m great at entertaining them, we all have different strengths.

But today, was a very difficult day...

Apart from being exhausted from going to bed at 1:00am or later, every single day, today marked a day when I let the kids watch as much T.V. as they wanted. Probably the wrong thing to do if we were in a normal environment, but right now, we just have to get pass this.

Wayne told me at the end of our conversation,

“Sometimes, you don’t need an instruction guide, just write your own guides.”

In times when you’re struggling for whatever reason, you just have to find some type of hope, something that you look forward to…

You can’t be going online and looking for answers for everything, this is just so exhausting and depressing. Just get creative and do your own thing.

I honestly don’t know what to do from here, it has been so hard to not go out. I love being out and about and love my home, but I love just coming home to it, not necessarily spend all day here…

It’s been so hard to see the state of the world, to see how people are suffering and to experience news that I wish I hadn’t heard… Yesterday, March 24th I received terrible news on a text message…

You see, one of my friends from high school who I had known since I moved to this country, had the virus and unfortunately, passed away. A beautiful soul who had leukemia in the 6th grade and battled for 2 years to stay alive, someone who just got the virus and died within days…

When I found out the news, I could not believe it… she had just posted a funny meme about toilet paper 19 hours ago, how could she have died? She was 31 years young… Made no sense at all, I’m still in shock and I pray and think about her family often.

This changed everything to me, this was the turning point. Of course I was following the orders and watching the news to know that I should stay home. I even canceled a trip to Mexico and missed a cousin’s wedding. So yeah, when I found out about the passing of my friend, that definitely affected me. Since that took place yesterday and just thinking about everything that is going on, like what are we going to do?

I’m usually the type of person who is positive, I even started a personal development group for people to follow daily affirmations that can be found here:https://www.facebook.com/groups/PersonalDevelopmentandSelfHelp/  so that we can work on our positivity and bring more light into the world. Everyone has their days when they’re just feeling down and when things don’t make sense…

Today was one of those days, the day of being scared of the unknown, the day where I couldn’t just go for a run or go to OTF to burn off some calories. When I’m home with the kids, it is a constant marathon that I just can’t keep up. They are just a lot of work and we have to watch them every single second of the day. They’re just too young. Plus, all of the other things that need to be done like dishes, laundry, etc…

But the kids are the ones who keep me entertained, who keep me thinking about other things. If it wasn’t for them, I would probably be depressed because they keep me going and I know I gotta deliver for them.

So today, when I was feeling down, I was trying to understand what I was going through…

Ok, let’s see:

  • I haven’t been able to exercise like I usually do (this is a big part of why I’m feeling this way)
  • I haven’t been able to go out and just see people,
  • My parents and my in laws are at home and they usually help with the kids and they like to come to see them or we go to their houses to see them
  • We don’t know when this will end,
  • (This one is a big one, btw) – we are in the middle of moving.. we pretty much have half of our things in boxes at the new house and the other half is here. We still have a lot of work to do and we had to postpone our moving date. This is stressing me out because our parents can’t help us to keep the kids entertained and the schools are closed, so we have to figure out a way to keep kids happy and still pack our things. It’s a crazy thing because Wayne is going to have to work in just 3 days, like what are we going to do!?

But you now what, above all, we don’t have to be crammed into a closet or a staircase like people had to do in extreme situations. We are eating delicious food made at home, we have resources, we have a roof over our heads, we have job security that Wayne will have to go back to eventually in a few days or will work from home. Like, WTF is wrong with me? I should be happy and I should be ok with all of this, right?

I think what is wrong with me is more than just my mood. Is the current state of the world. Before the virus we had a schedule, a routine, you kind of knew what was happening (of course with little kids you don’t really know, but it was less of an unknown), we had school, we had our music class, our Friday morning service at school, our swimming classes. Heck! I stayed home with the kids 2 days out of the 5 weekdays because we had so many things planned…

So what is it that is making me this uncomfortable and feeling like this? It is the constant struggle of the unknown, of the what am I supposed to be doing… the struggle of what is happening in the world? How are kids in the inner cities going to live? How are they going to eat? If you read Udonis Haslem’s recent article, he puts it in perspective. He explains how sometimes all he had for dinner were raisins, that’s it. That is the reality of so many kids today. How are kids going to be fed when we have to practice social distancing? Most of the food that the kids receive comes from schools. So how do we protect them?

And then I think about how I can make a difference, but I’m still stuck at home and how much longer can we keep on living like this…

Like, today one of my friends from abroad said it best, this has become our way of life. We are struggling with the idea that this is the new normal. Zoom meetings are happening everywhere, we are learning so much about technology because we HAVE TO not because we WANT TO… This is teaching us how to live differently and how to connect with people in a different way…

And what is happening next? Like what are people going to go back to after this is all said and done and how do we go back to the way that we were before…

Like what am I supposed to do? The truth is simple,

I just don’t know…And that is ok, sometimes you don't have to know. Take one day at a time.

But what I do know is that everything happens for a reason. I do know that we have so many things that are positive like the environment, connections with people, reaching out through technology, staying home with family and having quality time (I came up with some awesome positive things a few days ago on my FB)

What is this feeling I’m feeling, I am really struggling with this. How does this virus work? Like you don’t know if you have the virus and you can infect thousands of people before you even know you have it? Like, how do we explain it to people so that they understand it and how can we help hospitals? It feels so hopeless like I can’t do anything to help the situation. And how do you explain it to people to get that if you have the virus, you could be in the hospital for weeks, like my other friend from high school who has been in an induced comma to battle the virus. BTW, he is doing better thank G-d. I pray for his health and quick recovery…

This is just unchartered territory, I am scared sh*tless, no lie. But I do know that we will be ok. I know that there are ways to turn negative things into positive things and this is an opportunity to do just that.

I’m going to challenge myself and just take one day at a time. G-d is giving me the opportunity to do something. We are all given the opportunity with the time that we have in this world. We are all here, so let’s help the world by staying home and not spread the virus. Let’s do something positive for our world and start taking care of it!

I have to look for ways to improve and feel better about myself. I usually exercise but with the kids and the current landscape, I don’t have many options that to keep on swimming, keep on walking… And I KNOW we can get through this. There is a way to help the world and that is by meditating, praying, loving one another.

So thank you for being here, thank you for reading and thank you for taking care of the world together…

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About the author 

Miri Lenoff - Known Success

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